I’ve been a bit quiet on the blog/socials front for the last couple of weeks.
We lost a close family member and that prompts a time of mourning – arrangements must be made of the type no one really wants to have to make.
The ground is pulled out from under your feet – some free fall – others regroup and make sure things that need to carry on regardless do. I am one of the latter – people that I love and care about need support to navigate the normality while in the twilight zone of grief – that to me is a priority and if truth be told a distraction.
This has been at my own detriment – navigating Dad through the passing of Mum for example – by the time I got the space to grieve others around me, had moved on and couldn’t understand why I hadn’t!
I am not an instant processor – I have to ruminate and contemplate – an internal monologue to consider consequences. I am a reflector. Everyone grieves differently but generally society seems to love the instant emotional outpouring and there is a lack of understanding of those that are more private in their response – it’s my grief not yours!
So what is grief – shock – missed opportunities – triggers – having to face finality – a space left where someone once was. It’s like they have popped to the shop but then you realise they won’t be coming back and it hits you once again – that rug keeps being pulled.
Being a Pagan I do not grieve the person – they have moved on – returned to their family – not as they were family on this plain because not everyone’s experience is a good one – but to some nuclei of familiarity – the ancestors – who we honour throughout our year.
I grieve the space they left behind – for the people they have left behind. And of course, grief opens old wounds – things you thought you had left behind tap you on the shoulder and remind you that you never get over it – you just learn to live with it – its all about time!
As its world poetry day – have a poem:
How can you say what sadness is?
Is it a heart wrenching wail or deep quietness?
Is it stop and do nothing,
Or continue and have moments of pause?
How long can a relationship be before
You put a marker on depth of sadness?
Before that time, they are nothing to you and
You have no right to cry?
That after that time you can weep.
Does a blood tie make a difference?
Or a piece of official paper?
It’s not always a yearning ache,
It’s a catch of breath as you forget or remember,
That you can’t tell them something about your day.
Its an empty chair or a pair of discarded glasses.
It’s a certain cup, or favourite throw.
A sock that fell down the back of the sofa,
A half-eaten packet of digestives.
A birthday, a Christmas, an anniversary of the day, when
you stopped being separate and became an item.
Who will change the king-sized duvet?
Who will bring me my milky coffee?
Who will tune the radio to 5 Live?
Who will tell me they love me?
The Pondering Pagan 